If children live with repeated abandonment, this creates experiences causes toxic shame. It seems to me that these sorts of 'nothing to do with the perps, all within the victim' arguments could lead to another form of the degenerative moral relativistic exoneration/failure to hold to account of those who caused the trauma. Hmm, yes, insightful. I wonder if you've had any experience of either? Alienation from the environment – withdrawal from social activities and resistance towards others. Now to the point of my post.

Thanks for the suggestions. Mostly people accept it 'because it's the system', 'I can't do anything about it' (which, in itself, is a victim/childlike disempowered mentality!). I'm partial to EMDR therapists and therapists doing Lifespan Integration work (both types of therapy have websites where you can locate therapists certified in their approach). It is devastating, at best.

I have beautiful children and a job I love. I suffered so much verbal abuse it was horrendous and I hated it.

And I am NOT saying that's what I think, but make sure you give it a lot of thought first.

I don't know what exactly happened to you nor should you probably discuss it in an open forum if there are legal actions in progress, but it is the broad generalizations that concern me. Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Paradoxical Strategies in Psychotherapy. Experiencing ourselves at a core level as though we were still children is apt to render us indecisive, helpless, or prematurely impel us to suspend our efforts on a task, pursuit, or even relationship.

May i ask if this syndrome might occur due to their childhood.

I'm completely and totally lost and alone. I don't know. And although we may well have become more self-confident, as long as that insecure "child fragment" still residing within us hasn't been made privy to all the changes we've accomplished since that fragment was us, then stressful situations will continue to make us vulnerable to the same insecure feelings that "afflicted" us in growing up.

(And I have NO expertise on any of this, so correct me if I'm wrong). I had to keep her away from everyone which resulted in an awful resentful backlash for years. That might be a valid question! I had a verbally and emotionally abusive mother who was a narcissist and dominated me. Free. Negative thoughts come at odd times but I have to avoid consuming alcohol to excess and watch my sleep. Indeed, your connection illustrates most pertinently what I'm endeavouring to articulate. thank you so much. Outwardly, he may have behaved appropriately in all this, but internally he couldn't see his behaviors as anything like a true, spontaneous expression of who he felt he actually was.

A public service worker can do a lot more to serve the public by showing compassion.

I think it's succes as I feel a little bit better. There have been times throughout my childhood that have been happy, funny and exciting, but parts of my childhood have been plagued by bullying, always have doubts on my mind, getting heavy criticism, not being myself and not getting used to arguments. While searching the internet for something to put a name to what I consider to be a long-standing issue, I came across this article. 0. I've spent the past 20 years finding creative ways to avoid experiencing and feeling negative emotions...prescription drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, and relationships. My point is that, I, too, desire validation of my experiences, both past and present and MY experience with DBT has been in direct opposition to that desire.

My husband and friends have always told me I was a pessimist and it made no sense whatsoever to me because I am not a pessimist. This parallel exactly encapsulates my issue with casting people who have been personally under fire (whether in war or on urban streets) as intrinsically victims who need to sort themselves out because they are somehow deficient. In short, our brain has been hijacked, sabotaged by that earlier part of us who was never quite able to "merge" with the adult we eventually became. I don't know. Although I am a grown man of 40 years old, I have this terrible feeling of being nothing more than a scared little child in this cold and cruel world. You've hit the nail on the child within us and the end of your article says it all :). This secondary victimisation in so many different forms is very common I've been appalled to find. This has influenced what health insurance will or will not cover (depending on the type of health insurance one has) even if you aren't among the population that DBT is mostly geared towards. We won't be able to feel truly grown up because our basic sense of self hasn't sufficiently evolved into the actual adult we've become.

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