Sometimes I get back from work and I just want to listen to music, watch a movie or play video games without talking about my day.
But we get each other much better now, and it takes a few conversations like that, often arguments too, before it gets to a point where both people feel understood and respected. My partner works in hospitality, so he's out most nights, whereas I work during the day. It not only makes me feel trapped but, practically speaking, I don't get important things done.
But one of my friends once said that I needed to find someone who wanted to spend as much time with me as I wanted to them, otherwise I wouldn't be happy. I need one night a week to myself. I'm excited to see him when he gets home at night, and I love when he's home for the holidays or on vacation.
I've realized I have a lot of problems with motivation, because the idea of taking up a hobby or trying to learn something new is so unappealing to me. No you're not. This.
Now we're on a break and I think we're going to end it for good. Me and my boyfriend spend every waking second together minus the time when I go to work (he's currently unemployed) and the time he games with friends. When living together, I usually have a separate office/art room I can retreat too and we plan stuff to do outside of home on our own. A good relationship, including with yourself, is balanced. tl;dr Girlfriend and I have very different ideas of what is 'too much', and I'm having trouble dealing with it. My husband respects it completely. That's my dilemma. I'm trying to proceed with a clearer head, and hearing differing opinions is good for me. I need alone time too. This past week we've only seen each other twice. That gives us plenty of time to be by ourselves and destress without having another person nearby.
I suppose we have very different ideas about what's too much in a relationship.
It actually gave me a glimmer of hope. When I'm with friends or my SO, I'm in the mindset of relaxing or having fun, and rarely can get out of it enough to get important errands done, etc. Last night it felt like she was putting blame on me, which hurt so much (since I haven't even around most of the time). The last time we saw each other (Thursday) was her initiative; she invited me to a movie, and we walked around the pier afterwards. I make myself dinner, drink a lot of wine and watch a horror movie.
Do you live separately? And if I do it early, instead of at the end of time together, it doesn't appear like I'm fobbing them off.
He doesn't encroach in my personal space / need to be alone the same way other people do. I usually would get annoyed spending too much time with the same person, but with him I don't at all. I like that quote. I like an hour or two every day.
There'll be some instinct to spend all of our free time together, but I've realized if we do that I get more easily irritated by the guy I'm dating and also frustrated that our time is spent more on lounging rather than doing something meaningful/active.
It's a requirement for me. I'm fine with sharing a space and being around my SO 24/7 as long as I get time to do my own thing.
That's enough alone time for me. My boyfriend and I don't technically live together, but we alternate staying at each others houses so we see each other every day after work.
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